If you’ve ever wondered what happens when you sit in silence for 10 days—no talking, no phone, no distractions—this blog will take you behind the scenes of my very first Vipassana meditation retreat. From back pain and unexpected tears to fart symphonies and sexual fantasies, here’s the raw truth of what happened when I meditated for 100 hours in 10 days.

Let me take you inside my experience. This journey wasn’t what I expected. It was unique, funnier, and more beautiful than I ever imagined. 

Why I finally decided to go to Vipassana

Here’s the thing. I had never even heard of Vipassana until I met my boyfriend in 2017. He had done 3 retreats by that point, and almost every year since, he has gone back. Every time he returned; he seemed lighter, clearer and he had more energy and drive for life. He’d also ask, “Why haven’t you given it a go? It’s right up your alley. Your work, your love for growth and challenge.”

For eight years, he invited me, encouraged me, and reminded me. And every time, my response was: “F*ck no, that sounds too hard.” Not the silence, not the meditation hours, not even just having two meals a day. The thing that felt impossible to me was sitting still for that long. Because of one thing: my back pain.

My battle with back pain

I’ve experienced back pain for most of my adult life. I’ve seen countless professionals, but no one gave me real answers, until 2024. I started seeing a new chiropractor who listened differently. He wasn’t just trying to manage my symptoms, he wanted to find the root cause of my struggles. I cried in that session because, for the first time, I felt truly seen in my pain.

He ordered new x-rays, and the diagnosis came back:

• Cervical reversal of the neck
• Mild scoliosis in my upper back
• Kyphosis in the mid-back
• Anterolisthesis in the lumbar spine

WELL SH*T. No wonder I was in pain. These things have no ‘cure’ but can be managed with the right strengthening exercises and focus. We began weekly sessions, building strength around my spine, and slowly, I started feeling better. Understanding my spine and my body changed everything.

a Spiral into depression

In November 2024, during a coaching session (where I was the client), old traumas resurfaced, and I spiraled into depression. For the first time in my life, I wanted to run away from everything; avoiding interaction, sleeping a lot, disconnecting from my partner and my body. It was a dark, isolating time.

Despite my training as a trauma-informed coach, I forgot all my tools. All I could do was surrender and remember: “Impermanence. Nothing lasts forever.” I rode the waves, trusting the discomfort had a purpose.

Christmas came and went. It was hard. As New Year’s Eve approached, I canceled plans with friends, left my partner at home with our animals and took myself to the beach to be alone. I needed space, nature, and silence.

Starting to feel lighter, one morning in early January, I woke up with a spiritual download: It’s time to go to Vipassana. I was shocked—but this time the thought didn’t scare me. It was exactly what I had been yearning for. Silence. No interaction. No work. Nature. I applied. I got in.

When I told my partner, he was deeply excited and happy for me to have this experience. Although there is a Vipassana centre in the state I live in I chose to go interstate to make it a real getaway, booking time before and after the retreat for whatever adventures I felt called to.

I attended the Vipassana centre called Dhamma Bhumi in Blackheath New South Wales. This is in the Blue Mountains outside of Sydney.

pre-retreat fears & Expectations

What was I most afraid of?
Sitting still for so long. I can’t even sit still through a movie or plane ride without shifting constantly. The idea of hours a day in stillness? Terrifying.

Did I imagine enlightenment… or agony?
Agony, HA! Let’s be real. I didn’t think I’d float into bliss. I expected intense challenge and discomfort.

Funny misconceptions?
Being silent with 130 people is anything but quiet. The symphony of body sounds was wild; belly rumbles, sneezes, burps, farting. One older woman even let out a massive fart right by my head as she was being escorted out of the meditation hall for some support! I nearly exploded trying not to laugh.

The perfect lesson before vipassana

The morning I flew to Sydney for my Vipassana retreat, I was given one final universal nudge. A message I couldn’t ignore. I suddenly knew it was time to listen to The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer, an audiobook that had been sitting on my “to-read” list for years. Something in me just knew: This is the perfect last read before stepping into silence.

I spent the entire day of travel immersed in its 7-hour audio journey, and OMG! It was exactly what I needed. It prepared me on a soul level for what Vipassana was truly about.

Because this retreat isn’t just about silence or meditation. It’s about surrender, to every sensation, thought, and emotion that arises, without resistance, without running, without trying to change it.

It’s about noticing the pain in your back without labeling it bad.
Witnessing a wave of anxiety without trying to escape it.
Feeling discomfort, boredom, or frustration and allowing it to be exactly as it is.

Instead of reacting, you just… watch.
You let it flow.
You surrender.

I’ve resisted this experience for years, convinced it would be too hard, too uncomfortable. But listening to that book on my journey, I realised the resistance wasn’t about the retreat. It was about my own fear of letting go of control.

Because true surrender isn’t just releasing control of the external world.
It’s about letting go of our grip on the internal one. Trusting the waves inside us to rise and fall without interference.

This book was a gift from the universe, the perfect prelude to ten days of deep, transformational surrender.

Arrival & orientation

A friend dropped me off at the center in the Blue Mountains, NSW. The walk to reception was lined with flowers, succulents, and moss; it felt magical. I was excited to spend 10 days immersed in nature.

I found my assigned bed in one of the 10-person dorms.It was a small cubicle, no windows or fan, just a curtain. I unpacked my things and eagerly handed in all electronic devices….Ahhhh FREEDOM!

We had our group orientation where we got to ask any questions before our silence began later that evening.I learned we’d be guided by pre-recorded teachings from Goenka for the entire 10 days. No live teachings, just his iconic voice and videos guiding us through the experience. We have senior teachers to support us and help run the retreat but everything was from Goenka himself.

Who is goenka?

S.N. Goenka (1924–2013) was a Burmese-Indian teacher who brought Vipassana meditation to the world in its pure, ancient form. Originally a businessman, he turned to Vipassana to heal chronic migraines and underwent a profound transformation.

In 1969, he began teaching retreats worldwide, always donation-based, strictly non-commercial, and non-dogmatic. His voice guided us daily. It was soothing, wise and with a sprinkle of humor. I found him absolutely adorable and deeply insightful.

the daily timetable

• 4:00 am – Wake-up bell
• 4:30-6:30 am – Meditate (group hall or bedroom)
• 6:30-8:00 am – Breakfast
• 8:00-9:00 am – Group meditation
• 9:00-11:00 am – Meditate (group hall or bedroom)
• 11:00-12:00 pm – Lunch
• 12:00-1:00 pm – Rest/teacher interviews
• 1:00-2:30 pm – Meditate (group hall or bedroom)
• 2:30-3:30 pm – Group meditation
• 3:30-5:00 pm – Meditate (group hall or bedroom)
• 5:00-6:00 pm – Tea break
• 6:00-7:00 pm – Group meditation
• 7:00-8:15 pm – Discourse
• 8:15-9:00 pm – Group meditation
• 9:00-9:30 pm – Questions
• 9:30 pm – Lights out

THIS WORKS OUT TO BE 10 HOURS and 45 MINUTES OF MEDITATION EVERYDAY!

Days 1–3: pain, period & claustrophobia

We started with Anapana meditation. Where you are focusing on the triangle between the nostrils and upper lip. It sounds simple, but 10 hours a day? My mind wandered constantly. It was tough, especially as I was also trying to find the best way to sit to maintain posture and stillness.

On Day 2, my period arrived. Heavy cramps, sitting pain, just as I feared. The provided foam cushions were simple and to me a bit useless haha and we all scrambled for more props. I tried finding a way to sit that would allow me to be still for at least an hour at a time. Half-lotus, butterfly, cross-legged, everything, but I couldn’t last 30 minutes without adjusting.

Claustrophobia began to creep in too. The meditation hall had no windows, my bedroom had no windows, except for the 2 bunks at the end of the room looking out to the valley beyond. I was definitely jealous of the two girls who got assigned those beds. But, on Day 4, a window bed opened up. I don’t know why this girl left the retreat but I saw an opportunity and asked to move. This got approved! Total game-changer. I could breathe and see nature. I did feel for the other women though and knew this retreat would have been extra hard if I was confined to my original space.

Days 4–7: vipassana, meditation stool & emotional release

We transitioned to Vipassana technique, body scanning from head to toe, noticing sensations without judgment. The mantra: Anicca – everything changes.

After failing to find a comfortable position sitting cross legged with all the cushions and props I asked to try a meditation stool. I had never tried one before and it saved me. I sat perfectly still for an hour. No pain, no shifting, I was blown away.

On Day 6, I was meditating in my room and my mind went floating into thoughts about life and love and family. I became overwhelmed by beautiful memories of my partner and family. My heart burst with gratitude and love. I (silently) cried and cried. Silent crying is like trying to funnel a waterfall through a straw. Letting the emotions flow while staying silent was a very hard thing.

From there? Flow. No highs or lows. I was just present. Peaceful.

Days 8–10: calm, clarity & breaking the silence

Oh day 8, this was when the familiar back aches finally showed up to the party. I’m actually shocked it was absent for so many days. 

On the other hand, I was so proud of myself for continuing to sit with such stillness, for staying equanimous (a word Goenka likes to use a lot) and for seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak….. Excitement crept in—I was finishing this thing! My focus got easier, but my mind loved wandering into memories and fantasies. I enjoyed it.

Day 10: Silence ended. At first, we whispered, feeling naughty for speaking, then chaos erupted. 60 women chattering, laughing, sharing. It was beautiful.

I was stunned by how wrong I was about each person I talked to. The assumptions I had made from just observing these women for 10 days were shattered. We came from everywhere. Teenage baristas, 87 year old great-grandma, students, healers, business owners and backpackers. Profound connection.

Having them ask me what I do for a living was fun! Getting to tell them I teach naked yoga and do online sex and relationship coaching? Eyes popped. Questions flew. And I loved it, I didn’t expect to get to network.

The hardest moments

The hardest things for me turned out to be not what I expected. 

1. I really missed reading! I read everyday at home. First thing with my morning coffee and in bed at night before going to sleep. This was something I did deeply miss.
2. No touch. No hugs. No intimacy. As someone who thrives on physical connection, this was painful. I didn’t even think about going into the retreat but of course I’d miss human contact so much.

the Breakthrough

I was reminded how blessed I am. The petty annoyances in life and in a long term relationship, dirty dishes, unwashed sheets, animal hair covering the floor,  these things don’t matter. Love matters. Connection matters. It was the most beautiful reminder to be grateful for all I have.

✨ goenka quote That says it all ✨

“You are your own master. The solution to your problems lies within you. Vipassana is a path of self-transformation through self-observation.”
— S.N. Goenka

tl;dr

Top 5 Takeaways From My Vipassana Experience

• I faced my fear of sitting still for 10+ hours a day… and actually enjoyed it.
• My back pain disappeared (until Day 8!) and I found physical strength I didn’t know I had.
• Silence isn’t the hard part—it’s the inner noise that challenges you most.
• I cried, I laughed (silently), and I thought about sex way more than expected.
• Surrendering control was the biggest lesson—and the most liberating.

life After vipassana

I stayed a few nights at a local backpackers to give myself space to gently come back to reality. I met amazing people, had wild adventures, and gave myself time to integrate.

One thing that was asked by a lot of the women was will you continue this practice? And will you do another Vipassana? They all laughed at my honest answers of NO. Let me explain…

Will I continue meditating daily?
Nope. It’s not my go-to practice, but now I know it’s there if I need it. 

Will I do it again? 

Not anytime soon. I know one day I’ll get the message form the universe to go again and explore the next layers of this 10 days of silence but not this year haha

The biggest surprise? 

My back pain vanished until Day 8. I thought i’d be battling my daily back ache for the whole retreat but I felt nothing until day 8. I think sitting erect with no back support strengthened my spine. What a gift.

Final Confession: I thought about sex… a lot

There are 5 precepts we must adhere to for the duration of the course and one of them is to abstain from any sexual activity. This didn’t have me concerned at all. I had no privacy anyway and this environment wasn’t exactly turning me on haha 

I didn’t feel aroused once, but my mind, oh that was dirty. Fantasies galore. I think I relived all my past lovers, I had wild new sexual ideas, it was fun and unexpected. No one knew the filthy thoughts in my head as we all sat silently together.

🧘‍♀️ Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) About Vipassana

1. Is it hard to stay silent for 10 days?
   Honestly, no. I actually spoke a few words everyday, asking a question to the senior support and management. The silence itself was easy. It’s the internal noise that challenges you. The mind gets LOUD before it gets still.
2. Can you leave early if it’s too much?
   Technically yes, but they encourage you to speak to the teacher first. Many people feel like quitting, and support is available to help you ride those waves.
3. What’s the food like?
   Delicious, simple, and vegetarian. Two meals a day (plus tea). No frills, but nourishing, and trust me, you won’t starve.
4. What if I’ve never meditated before?
   You don’t need any prior experience. The technique is taught step-by-step. All you need is willingness and curiosity.
5. Do men and women meditate together?
   The male residences and dining room are separate from the females. You won’t speak, touch, or even make eye contact with the opposite sex. It’s all about turning inward. In the group meditation hall we are all together but there is strict segregation. The hall is divided with all the females sitting on the right and all the males on the left. 

🎒 vipassana packing list – essentials you’ll thank yourself for

Must-Haves (for me)
✔️ Yoga mat (for light stretching)
✔️ Meditation cushion (I used this everywhere)
✔️ Shakti mat (amazing for blood flow and pain relief)
✔️ Hot water bottle (for cold nights or cramps)
✔️ Digital watch (a game-changer for time awareness)

Clothing
✔️ Loose, comfortable clothes — think flowy long pants and t-shirts
✔️ Warm layers — it gets cold at night
✔️ Slip-on shoes for easy movement and walking shoes for gentle exercise

Toiletries
✔️ Basics only — no makeup, perfumes, or luxury items
✔️ Period supplies (if needed — plan ahead!)

✔️ Body wash & soap for hand washing your clothes

Leave at Home
❌ Phones, laptops, books
❌ Snacks, tobacco, alcohol
❌ Jewelry or anything flashy

Bonus Tips
– A scarf or shawl can be cozy for meditation
– Earplugs (if you’re a light sleeper)

Your turn

What silence or stillness are you avoiding?
Let yourself lean in. I’d love to hear your thoughts. 💛

Stepping into the Unknown

At the end of this month, I’m embarking on something that, for years, I told myself I could never do.

I’m flying to the Blue Mountains to attend my first Vipassana meditation retreat—ten days of complete silence, no technology, no distractions, no eye contact, and no external stimulation. Just me, my thoughts, and ten hours of meditation a day.

For those unfamiliar with Vipassana, let me share what this ancient practice is all about—and why I’ve finally decided to take the plunge.

What is vipassana?

Vipassana, meaning “insight” or “clear seeing,” is one of the most ancient meditation techniques, originally taught by Gautama Buddha over 2,500 years ago. Unlike other meditation styles that incorporate mantras, visualization, or breath control, Vipassana is about observing reality exactly as it is.

It’s a deep, disciplined practice that teaches you to witness sensations, emotions, and thoughts without reacting. The retreat is an immersive ten-day experience designed to break old mental conditioning and habitual reactivity. Here’s what that looks like in practice:

• Silence: No talking, no eye contact, no gestures—complete solitude in a shared space.
• Ten hours of meditation per day: Sitting in stillness, scanning the body, and observing sensations without attachment or aversion.
• No distractions: No phones, books, writing, or external stimulation—only the practice.
• Two vegetarian meals per day: Eating mindfully, free from the distractions of conversation or screens.
• 4:30 AM wake-ups: Days start early, with the first meditation session before dawn.

The philosophy behind Vipassana is simple yet profound: suffering arises from our resistance to reality. We cling to pleasure, avoid discomfort, and react impulsively to every sensation, emotion, and thought. Through deep meditation, we learn to sit with it all—without running, numbing, or reacting.

Why now? my Journey to saying yes

For eight years, my partner has attended a Vipassana retreat annually. He treats it as his end-of-year ritual, disappearing into silence and returning with unmistakable clarity, lightness, and a renewed sense of purpose. Every time he’s completed a retreat, he’s told me, “Rikki, you would love this. You should do one.”

And every time, I’ve responded, “Absolutely not. That sounds like my personal hell.”

It wasn’t the silence, the wake-ups, or even the lack of distractions that scared me. It was the sitting still. Ten hours a day of meditation with a back that constantly aches? It felt impossible.

So, for years, I let that stop me. I told myself, I could never do that. And honestly, I believed it.

But then something shifted.

At the end of last year, I went through a downward spiral. Old wounds resurfaced. I felt disconnected from myself, my direction, and my joy. It was uncomfortable, confronting, and humbling.

Then, after spending New Year’s Eve alone on the beach, waking up with the sunrise and just being with myself for a few days, I felt something new—a deep, undeniable knowing that it was time.

No overthinking. No fear. No excuses. Just a full-body yes.

I applied. Got accepted. And now, in just two weeks, I’ll be boarding a plane to step into this experience fully.

Leaning into discomfort & Trusting the timing

What I’ve learned over the years is that growth isn’t about forcing yourself into experiences before you’re ready—it’s about listening for when the timing is right.

I could have signed up for a Vipassana retreat years ago, but I would have been doing it from a place of should rather than readiness. And I know myself—I don’t force my evolution. I let it unfold when the signs align.

And when they do? I don’t ignore them.

That’s what this moment is for me. It’s a reminder that sometimes the very thing we resist is the thing we need the most. And when the resistance drops? When the fear no longer feels like a roadblock? That’s when we know it’s time to leap.

I share this because maybe there’s something in your life that you’ve been telling yourself you could never do. Maybe you’ve written it off as too difficult, too uncomfortable, too confronting.

(So many women say these words to me when I invite them to my Naked Awakening workshops!)

And maybe, just maybe, it’s not a no forever—it’s just a not yet.

But when the timing does feel right? Don’t ignore it.

what’s Next? the uncertainty of who i’ll be after This

I have no idea what I will walk out of this retreat feeling.

Will I come out completely changed? Will I gain clarity on my next steps? Will it be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done? Will it be the most rewarding?

I have no clue. And that’s what excites me.

I have purposefully left my schedule open after the retreat because I don’t know how this experience will shift me. Maybe everything in my life will feel the same. Maybe I’ll come out with a completely new trajectory. I don’t know. But I’m open.

And I think that’s the greatest gift we can give ourselves—to walk into the unknown with curiosity instead of fear.

An Invitation for You

I don’t share this story to convince you to sign up for a ten-day silent retreat (unless that’s your calling, in which case, DO IT!).

I share this to remind you:

• If you’ve been feeling called to something that feels uncomfortable but right—trust that pull.
• If you’ve been resisting something out of fear, ask yourself if it’s truly a no or just a not yet.
• If you’ve been stuck in the belief that you could never—know that there might come a day when your body says, actually, we’re ready now.

Discomfort isn’t always a sign to run. Sometimes, it’s a sign to lean in.

I’ll be sharing more about this experience when I return in March, but until then, I’d love to hear from you—has there ever been something you once resisted, only to later realise it was exactly what you needed? LET ME KNOW 🙂

With love, curiosity, and a whole lot of surrender,
Rikki

A new year doesn’t always Mean a fresh start

Everywhere you look, the world is buzzing with “New Year, New Me!” energy—goal setting, vision boards, and resolutions filling social feeds. But what if that’s not how you feel? What if, instead of motivation, you’re feeling stuck, unmotivated, or even a little lost? You are not alone, and this season—just like any other—deserves to be honoured in its own way.

“Feeling unmotivated as the new year begins? You’re not alone. Learn why this heavy energy is normal and how to honour your process.”

The start of a new year is supposed to feel fresh, exciting, full of motivation and momentum. But if you’ve been struggling to find that energy—if you’ve felt low, unmotivated, disconnected, or even a little lost—I want you to know: you are not alone.

While the world shouts “New Year, New Me!” and pushes resolutions and reinvention, many of us are feeling the complete opposite—like we’re wading through fog, unable to focus, unmotivated, or even numb to the things that once brought us joy.

And I get it—because I’ve been feeling it too.

I’ve been feeling It Too

This isn’t just me speaking from a place of guidance—this is me speaking from experience. Because if I’m being completely honest… ending 2024 and stepping into 2025 has been heavy for me, too.

Christmas felt like a struggle. I didn’t have the joy, the excitement, or the warmth that this season often brings. And by the time New Year’s Eve arrived, I wasn’t in the mood to celebrate—I was in the mood to hide.

So that’s what I did. I spent New Year’s Eve (mostly) alone, at the beach beach, staring out at the water. I didn’t want to be social. I didn’t want to put on a “New Year, New Me” face. The energy of this time of year didn’t feel expansive or exciting—it felt like a vortex, pulling me inward, into introspection, solitude, and stillness.

And honestly? That energy has carried across the invisible threshold into 2025. I’m still moving slow. I still feel deep in thought. My motivation feels far away, and concentrating on anything for long periods of time has been hard.

But instead of battling against this natural ebb and flow of my energy, I am doing my best to meet it. OK, at first I battled it haha but I guess I needed to try that to remember it wouldn’t work. 

Now, I meet it:

To allow instead of resist.
To honour instead of judge.
To trust that this phase, too, has its purpose.

And if you’ve been feeling this too, I want you to know: you are not alone in this.

The collective energy feels heavy Right now

Maybe you’ve noticed:

• Your mind feels scattered, and concentrating feels impossible.

• Motivation seems just out of reach, no matter how much you want to feel inspired.

• Joy, gratitude, and excitement feel distant, like they’re happening to everyone except you.

• You’re judging yourself for not hitting the ground running in 2025 the way you thought you would.

If this resonates, take a deep breath with me right now. 💛
There is nothing wrong with you. This isn’t failure. This isn’t laziness. This is simply where you are right now.

I see You, I hear you, and you are not Alone

This time of year holds so much expectation. We are told we should be bursting with motivation, setting goals, feeling fresh and new. But what if you’re not?

What if the new year arrived, and instead of feeling inspired, you felt… stuck?
What if your body and nervous system didn’t get the memo that it’s time to go go go?
What if instead of charging forward, you’re feeling the weight of everything you didn’t process last year?

That experience is real. It’s valid. And it deserves space.

There’s a collective heaviness right now for so many people. Whether it’s exhaustion from the past year, emotional processing that didn’t get done, or just a deeper need to pause before moving forward—you are not alone in feeling this.

No fixing. no forcing. just allowing.

I’m not here to give you a pep talk. I’m not here to tell you to push through, set goals, or “just be positive.” Because honestly? That’s not what you need right now.

What you need is permission to feel exactly how you feel.

What you need is to know that there is nothing wrong with moving slowly.

What you need is to be reminded that your worth is not measured by your productivity, your motivation, or how ‘on it’ you feel right now.

Some seasons of life are about forward momentum. Others are about stillness.
Wherever you are in this moment, you are worthy of compassion, softness, and space.

so here’s my Invitation to You…

Instead of judging yourself, what if you just witnessed yourself?
Instead of forcing motivation, what if you allowed rest?
Instead of asking, “Why am I like this?” what if you asked, “What is my body, my heart, my soul trying to tell me?”

There is no deadline to feeling ready. There is no rush.
You are exactly where you need to be.
And I promise you, this moment will shift. Energy moves. Emotions process. The fog lifts.
And when it does, you will still be you—worthy, whole, and enough.

If you need more support, I’m Here

If this spoke to you, and you’re feeling called to deeper guidance, no matter what year you find this blog and read it,  I want you to know that I am here to support you with 1:1 coaching.

This is for you if you’re ready to be held in a safe, trauma-informed space where you can:

✨ Process what’s been weighing you down.
✨ Gain clarity on where you want to go next.
✨ Learn tools to navigate your emotions and inner world with more ease.

If you’d like to work together, Click Here to Book a Session or reach out to me directly.

Get ready to explore the transformative journey of understanding and cultivating secure attachment in relationships.

Excavating the commonness of insecure attachment styles and their impact on intimacy.

Today I want to emphasise the importance of self-work and vulnerability in rewiring our neural pathways for emotional security and fostering deep, fulfilling connections.

I invite you to break free from toxic patterns, reclaim your power and embark on a journey towards wholehearted relating and boundless love in 2024 and beyond.

Ladies, can I be real with you for a minute? 

As someone who’s been navigating the wild world of relationships for years, I know how easy it is to feel lost, disconnected and frustrated. 

In this digital age, finding genuine, fulfilling connections can feel like wandering through a never-ending maze. 

But listen up, because I’ve uncovered some profound insights that can revolutionise the way we approach love and intimacy in 2024 and beyond. 

And it all starts with understanding our attachment styles.

Here’s the tea – a staggering 50% of the population exhibits an insecure attachment style! 

Meaning they struggle with either anxious or avoidant tendencies. 

Translation – so many of us are trapped in those toxic cycles of codependency, constant conflict and unfulfilling unions. 

Talk about a wake-up call, right?

But guess what – a powerful paradigm shift is underway. 

More and more women are waking up to the transformative power of cultivating a secure attachment stance. 

This isn’t just some lofty theory, it’s a tangible pathway towards liberation, healing and the kind of nourishing, flourishing relationships we all crave.

Now, I’ll continue being real with you because this journey is deeply personal for me. 

I have spent the last few years meticulously excavating the depths of my own attachment style, unravelling the threads of past traumas and insecurities that held me back. 

Through dedicated study and introspection, I learned to confront the ways I used to react, manipulate and allow myself to be treated without respect in relationships. 

Let me tell you, it has been a total game-changer in my current relationship.

I used to be the queen of saying “yes” when I really wanted to say “no.” 

I’d let myself be walked all over because I just didn’t have that deep sense of self-worth. 

I’d say yes when I meant no all too often and this would lead to me having very uncomfortable and even harmful experiences.

But I wouldn’t change those experiences for anything – they shaped me into the powerful, empowered woman I am today.

From disempowered to fully empowered!!!!  FUCK YES QUEEN 👑(self high five)🙌 

Ladies, the journey towards secure attachment begins with honest self-work. 

It’s about courageously exploring our attachment history, our fears, our traumas and the coping strategies we’ve developed around intimacy. 

I know it ain’t easy, but the rewards are so worth it. 

When we’re willing to confront those shadows without judgment and embrace vulnerability as a catalyst for growth, we can rewire our neural pathways towards true emotional security.

And that’s when the magic happens. 

When we choose to surround ourselves with individuals who reflect our highest values and support our growth, that’s when the floodgates to deeper, more fulfilling connections start to open up. 

No more settling for crumbs, my friend – it’s time to reclaim our power and embrace the richness of life’s connections.

FACT: we can only do so much inner work alone. 

Being in a relationship is one of our biggest teachers, allowing us to witness ourselves in the mirror of our partners and lovers. 

It’s about deciding how we want to act, react, live, experience, give and receive and you don’t have to be in a long-term relationship to experience this – even casual dating or sleeping with people can offer these profound moments of self-discovery.

So here’s my invitation to you, sister: 

Let’s liberate ourselves from the confines of toxic relationship patterns and embrace the beauty of interdependence. 

Let’s invest in our own healing and empowerment, refusing to settle for anything less than the deep, nourishing connections we deserve. 

Together, let’s choose the journey of self-discovery and growth, opening ourselves to the intimacy, trust and fulfilment that awaits us on the other side.

Your journey begins now, love. 

If you’re ready to break free from those toxic patterns and cultivate the loving, secure bonds you crave, I’d be honoured to guide you every step of the way. 

Through personalised 1-on-1 coaching, we’ll dive deep into healing your attachment wounds, understanding your relational needs and developing the skills to attract and sustain those deeply fulfilling partnerships.

No more settling, my love. 

No more dimming your light. 

It’s time to reclaim your power and embrace the richness of life’s connections. 

Click below and let’s get started on that journey towards wholehearted relating today.

Wishing you depth, richness and boundless love in 2024 and beyond.

With love and empowerment,

Rikki

Shatter the Illusion: Discover the Liberating Truth About Aging as a Woman

We’ve been fed a relentless diet of fear and self-loathing around aging as women. The message is clear – the moment we hit 25, our prime is over, our beauty doomed to fade and our desirability destined to decline. But this cultural narrative of inevitable decay is nothing but a cruel deception, designed to rob us of the radiant power and confidence that should be our feminine birthright.

The truth is, the decades after 25 hold a transformative magic – a flourishing of beauty, sensuality and self-assuredness that puts our youth to shame. It’s time to shatter these toxic lies once and for all, and embrace the magnificence of our maturing beauty, our deepening pleasure and our unshakable feminine sovereignty.

This is your invitation to explore the liberating truth about what it means to age as a woman – a journey that could revolutionise everything you thought you knew.

In our youth-obsessed culture, the message that aging equals decline is all too pervasive.

We’re bombarded with the idea that as women, our “best” years are behind us once we hit 25 – that our beauty, desirability and vitality will only diminish from there. 

This toxic myth is quite possibly the greatest lie holding us back from fully inhabiting our authentic power, radiance and unstoppable feminine force.

But the truth is, everything actually gets better for us women after 25. 

Our beauty blossoms settling into itself, our confidence comes into full expression and we awaken to depths of sensual aliveness and pleasure that can only come through the journey of womanhood. 

Yet this insidious cultural conditioning cuts so many of us off from this birthright at a frighteningly young age.

According to a study published in the Journal of Women’s Health, over 60% of women in their 20s and 30s report feeling anxious or depressed about the aging process, (something I believe we learn from social media).

Another survey found that 75% of women feel pressure to maintain a youthful appearance, with many resorting to drastic measures like plastic surgery or extreme dieting to fight the signs of aging, (again a result of the unrealistic beauty standards being shoved down our throats online). 

But the truth is, our beauty is not purely physical – it’s an energetic radiance that only deepens as we mature. 

As one 45-year-old woman shared, “I feel more beautiful now than I ever did in my 20s. There’s a confidence here with me now that you just don’t comprehend when you’re young and a level of sensuality that comes from years of experiences and age. These are things that no amount of makeup, hair products or online trends can replicate.”

When it comes to desirability, research has shown that finding high-value partners is dictated far more by a woman’s energy and confidence than her looks or age. 

In fact, many women report experiencing a surge in romantic attention and fulfilment in their 30s, 40s and beyond, as they’ve had time to cultivate their feminine power, truly know what they want and understand who they are as women. 

And the pleasure potential? 

Well, that’s only just getting started. 

Contrary to the myth of the beauty ideal being separate from the maternal or crone archetype, all phases of womanhood carry exquisite sensual potency. 

Many women testify that their orgasms get exponentially better after their 30s, as they’ve had time to deeply explore and honour their sexuality and sensual expression.

I believe the older we get the better our sexual experiences can get.

When we stop buying into society’s fear-mongering and lean into our soul’s journey, the truth is that we become more ourselves, more embodied and more in alignment with our essence with every passing year. 

As 52-year-old Emily shared, “In my 20s, I was so consumed by insecurity and trying to live up to impossible beauty standards. Now, I feel more radiant, more connected sensually and more powerful than ever. My beauty isn’t something that fades – it’s an energy that just keeps growing.” 

If you’re ready to stop playing small

And step into the fullest embodiment of your divine feminine power, it’s time to reckon with the lies that have been holding you back. 

Embrace the truth that your beauty, desirability and pleasure potential are only just getting started no matter your age.

It’s a decision and choice you get to make.

This is your invitation to write a new feminine guidebook, one that celebrates the magnificence of the aging process. 

The greatest version of you is waiting to emerge – all you have to do is let her shine.

If you’re ready to reclaim sovereignty over your energy, beauty, pleasure and authentic expression, I would be honoured to guide you on this journey. 

As someone who majored in Female Sexuality and Women’s Empowerment during my coaching studies, this work is a deep passion of mine.

Not only from everything I have learnt from studying but also everything I have experienced and all the moments from my own journey of aging.

In our 1-on-1 coaching container, we’ll dive into the truth that your radiance has nothing to do with age and everything to do with acknowledging and unapologetically inhabiting who you are. 

You’ll unlock the depths of your sensual aliveness, reclaim the power of your feminine essence and step into the fullest embodiment of your divine self. 

These intimate coaching packages are purposefully kept limited, so if this invitation is speaking to you, I encourage you to apply. 

Together, we’ll shatter the lies that have held you back and unlock the unstoppable force of your most radiant womanhood.

Navigating Desire: Unveiling Brakes and Accelerators from Emily Nagoski’s book, ‘Come As You Are’

As part of my sex, love and relationship coaching certification I was invited to read Emily Nagowski’s book “Come As You Are’. 

This book is a must for all women to read; there were so many nuggets of profound wisdom shared within the pages that have changed the way I view my libido and body.

I want to share with you one concept, “Accelerators and Brakes.” 

This concept, as I’ll go on to explain today, really opened my eyes and had me feeling hopeful instead of frustrated about my low libido.

Exploring what Turns you on and Off

In the realm of human sexuality, understanding our desire and its ever-changing rhythm can often feel like deciphering a complex code. Emily, in her book, offers a unique perspective on this.

One of the central concepts she introduces is the interplay of brakes and accelerators, shedding light on the intricate dynamics that shape our sexual responses.

If you’re anything like me you’ve spent your sexual life either feeling turned on, grateful for the juicy energy, or turned off, frustrated and hating on your body for not being horny enough, (especially in a relationship where your partner wants more sex than you do).

From the time I was sexually active, I saw libido and desire as black and white. I was either horny (which was good) or I didn’t want to be touched at all (which was bad). I’m excited to share this with you now because it changed my black-and-white view of libido into a delicious rainbow of possibility and pleasure.

Brakes and Accelerators Defined

Nagoski presents the idea of brakes and accelerators as a metaphorical framework to explain the dual nature of sexual arousal. 

“Think of brakes as factors that inhibit or slow down our sexual response, while accelerators are elements that rev up our desire.” 

These metaphorical mechanisms work in tandem, influencing the ebb and flow of our sexual experiences.

Understanding Brakes

Context and Environment:

• Our surroundings play a pivotal role in determining the presence of brakes. Stressful environments, unresolved conflicts, or uncomfortable settings can act as significant inhibitors to desire. Recognising and addressing these external factors is essential for creating a conducive atmosphere for intimacy.

• For example: Having a messy bedroom, dirty clothes around and kids toys everywhere might activate your brakes. Coming home from a stressful day at work might activate your brakes. Remembering a fight you and your partner had last week that never reached an end point, might activate your brakes. Your partner not showering, being dirty, or smelling of BO, these are all things that might activate your brakes.

Body Image and Self-Esteem:

• Negative body image and low self-esteem act as powerful brakes. Society’s unrealistic beauty standards and personal insecurities can hinder the ability to fully embrace and enjoy one’s own body. Building a positive self-image is a crucial step toward releasing these brakes and unlocking one’s sexual potential.

• For example: Are you about to get your period and feeling super bloated and unsexy, did someone comment on your body today, have you lost or gained weight and are feeling self-conscious, do you not believe that your partner thinks you’re attractive, maybe you don’t like the way your body looks or feels, maybe you feel shy, want the lights off and no eye contact, all of this can be activating your brakes.

Past Trauma and Emotional Baggage:

• Unresolved traumas, whether from past relationships or personal experiences, can serve as substantial brakes. Acknowledging and addressing these emotional barriers is vital for creating a safe space for intimacy. If you feel professional support might be beneficial to navigate and heal from past wounds please reach out to me. I am available for 1:1 coaching.

• For example: Your ex forced you to do something in the past and when your current (loving) partner asks or tries something similar you don’t feel safe, you have old emotional wounds from childhood bullying that have never been addressed, how you lost your virginity was less than magical and this is being carried and lived out in your current intimate relationship (without you knowing), ALL OF THESE ARE BRAKES! 

“I want to remind you here that you are NOT broken if you resonated with any of these things. A lot of these examples are my own personal brakes that I discovered after learning about brakes from Emily.”

Understanding Accelerators

Novelty and Excitement:

• Novel experiences and a sense of excitement act as powerful accelerators. Trying new activities or introducing variety in the bedroom can stimulate desire. Open communication with a partner about desires and fantasies can contribute to creating a sense of novelty.

• For example: sexy lingerie, sex toys, exploring kinks, discovering your erotic blueprint (seriously Google this and take Jaiya’s Quiz, Game Changer!), adding sexy music and dancing, spending more time on foreplay, sexy conversations about fantasies, reading erotica etc.

Feeling Safe and Connected:

• Emotional intimacy and a strong sense of connection with a partner can serve as accelerators. Feeling safe and secure in a relationship fosters an environment where one can be vulnerable and explore their desires without fear of judgment or rejection.

• For example: Explain to your partner that when they do something (like spank you) it triggers an unsafe memory from your sexual past, and if they want to spank you they ask for your consent first. If you say no, they respect this, if you say yes they start lightly and ensure that during the act of spanking, they are also hugging and kissing you treating you with love and creating an environment of safety in your body. It’s all about communicating these needs before and during lovemaking so that you are feeling seen, safe and understood. BONUS: add some time after love-making for a debrief; chat about what was great, what was confronting, what you didn’t say that you wanted to etc.

Physical Well-Being:

• A healthy lifestyle, including regular exercise and proper nutrition, can act as an accelerator. Physical well-being contributes to increased energy levels, improved mood, and a positive body image – all of which are crucial components of a satisfying sexual experience.

• For example: We all know what it feels like in our bodies when we spend days in bed recovering from an injury or illness. We reenter the world fuzzy, dazed, confused, unmotivated etc. But when we start to move again, whether it be a walk outside, dancing, yoga, or swimming in the ocean, we start to create and release oxytocin (the love hormone) back into the body. The same can be said for eating nutritious foods. I’m not telling you to become a dietitian or anything but making sure you are fueling your body with fresh food and cutting back on fast food, processed foods and refined sugars plays a huge role in your body’s ability to access pleasure.

Emily Nagoski’s concept of brakes and accelerators offers a valuable framework for understanding the complexities of human desire. By recognising and addressing the factors that act as brakes, and actively incorporating accelerators into our lives, we can navigate the intricate landscape of sexuality with greater awareness, understanding and satisfaction. ‘Come As You Are’ serves as a guide, encouraging individuals to embrace their unique desires and fostering a more fulfilling connection with both themselves and their partners.

Real-life Strategies for Couples with Mismatched Libidos

Navigating a relationship where you have mismatched libidos presents its own set of challenges. However, the framework of brakes and accelerators offers valuable insights and practical strategies for couples looking to create a more harmonious intimate life despite their differences.

Open Communication

• One of the most crucial aspects of addressing mismatched libidos is open communication. Partners should feel comfortable discussing their desires, concerns, and boundaries without judgment. By sharing individual brakes and accelerators, couples can better understand each other’s needs and work towards creating an environment that caters to both partners.

• Real-Life Example: Sarah and Mark found success by establishing a regular “check-in” where they openly discussed their sexual desires, concerns, and fantasies. This practice not only improved communication but also created a sense of shared responsibility for their intimate life.

Exploration and Variety

• Introducing variety in the bedroom can act as an accelerator, reigniting the spark in the relationship. Experimenting with different activities, trying new things, and being open to exploring fantasies can create excitement and appeal to the accelerators for both partners. 

• Real-Life Example: Alex and Jamie, a couple with mismatched libidos, discovered that incorporating new experiences, such as weekend getaways or trying new hobbies together, helped reignite their connection and desire for each other. Also taking sex off the table for a certain amount of days or weeks and focusing on foreplay only, building sexual energy without the pressure of actually having sex. JUICY 😛

Understanding Eachothers Brakes

• Recognising and respecting each other’s brakes is crucial for creating a safe and comfortable space for intimacy. Partners should be aware of external factors that may stump each other’s desires and work together to move through these challenges.

• Real-Life Example: Lisa and Mike learned to navigate Mike’s stress-related brakes by implementing stress-reduction techniques, such as mindfulness exercises (like meditation and yoga) and regular relaxation rituals (like massage and walking in nature). This proactive approach helped create a more conducive environment for intimacy.

Embracing Emotional Intimacy

• Building emotional intimacy is a powerful accelerator. Fostering a deep connection based on trust and understanding can enhance the overall quality of a relationship and contribute to a more fulfilling intimate life. 
• Real-Life Example: Emily and Chris focused on strengthening their emotional connection by prioritising quality time together. Regular date nights, shared experiences, common goals and expressing gratitude helped them create a stronger bond that positively influenced their sexual connection.

Professional Support

Seeking professional help, either as a couple or individually (or both), can be a valuable resource for couples dealing with mismatched libidos. A trained professional can provide guidance, facilitate communication, and offer strategies tailored to the unique dynamics of the relationship. Again, reach out to me if you’d like to explore this more. 

Real-Life Example: Mark and Olivia sought the assistance of a sex coach to navigate their mismatched libidos. The coach helped them explore individual desires, improve communication, and develop practical strategies to meet each other’s needs.