Get ready to explore the transformative journey of understanding and cultivating secure attachment in relationships.

Excavating the commonness of insecure attachment styles and their impact on intimacy.

Today I want to emphasise the importance of self-work and vulnerability in rewiring our neural pathways for emotional security and fostering deep, fulfilling connections.

I invite you to break free from toxic patterns, reclaim your power and embark on a journey towards wholehearted relating and boundless love in 2024 and beyond.

Ladies, can I be real with you for a minute? 

As someone who’s been navigating the wild world of relationships for years, I know how easy it is to feel lost, disconnected and frustrated. 

In this digital age, finding genuine, fulfilling connections can feel like wandering through a never-ending maze. 

But listen up, because I’ve uncovered some profound insights that can revolutionise the way we approach love and intimacy in 2024 and beyond. 

And it all starts with understanding our attachment styles.

Here’s the tea – a staggering 50% of the population exhibits an insecure attachment style! 

Meaning they struggle with either anxious or avoidant tendencies. 

Translation – so many of us are trapped in those toxic cycles of codependency, constant conflict and unfulfilling unions. 

Talk about a wake-up call, right?

But guess what – a powerful paradigm shift is underway. 

More and more women are waking up to the transformative power of cultivating a secure attachment stance. 

This isn’t just some lofty theory, it’s a tangible pathway towards liberation, healing and the kind of nourishing, flourishing relationships we all crave.

Now, I’ll continue being real with you because this journey is deeply personal for me. 

I have spent the last few years meticulously excavating the depths of my own attachment style, unravelling the threads of past traumas and insecurities that held me back. 

Through dedicated study and introspection, I learned to confront the ways I used to react, manipulate and allow myself to be treated without respect in relationships. 

Let me tell you, it has been a total game-changer in my current relationship.

I used to be the queen of saying “yes” when I really wanted to say “no.” 

I’d let myself be walked all over because I just didn’t have that deep sense of self-worth. 

I’d say yes when I meant no all too often and this would lead to me having very uncomfortable and even harmful experiences.

But I wouldn’t change those experiences for anything – they shaped me into the powerful, empowered woman I am today.

From disempowered to fully empowered!!!!  FUCK YES QUEEN 👑(self high five)🙌 

Ladies, the journey towards secure attachment begins with honest self-work. 

It’s about courageously exploring our attachment history, our fears, our traumas and the coping strategies we’ve developed around intimacy. 

I know it ain’t easy, but the rewards are so worth it. 

When we’re willing to confront those shadows without judgment and embrace vulnerability as a catalyst for growth, we can rewire our neural pathways towards true emotional security.

And that’s when the magic happens. 

When we choose to surround ourselves with individuals who reflect our highest values and support our growth, that’s when the floodgates to deeper, more fulfilling connections start to open up. 

No more settling for crumbs, my friend – it’s time to reclaim our power and embrace the richness of life’s connections.

FACT: we can only do so much inner work alone. 

Being in a relationship is one of our biggest teachers, allowing us to witness ourselves in the mirror of our partners and lovers. 

It’s about deciding how we want to act, react, live, experience, give and receive and you don’t have to be in a long-term relationship to experience this – even casual dating or sleeping with people can offer these profound moments of self-discovery.

So here’s my invitation to you, sister: 

Let’s liberate ourselves from the confines of toxic relationship patterns and embrace the beauty of interdependence. 

Let’s invest in our own healing and empowerment, refusing to settle for anything less than the deep, nourishing connections we deserve. 

Together, let’s choose the journey of self-discovery and growth, opening ourselves to the intimacy, trust and fulfilment that awaits us on the other side.

Your journey begins now, love. 

If you’re ready to break free from those toxic patterns and cultivate the loving, secure bonds you crave, I’d be honoured to guide you every step of the way. 

Through personalised 1-on-1 coaching, we’ll dive deep into healing your attachment wounds, understanding your relational needs and developing the skills to attract and sustain those deeply fulfilling partnerships.

No more settling, my love. 

No more dimming your light. 

It’s time to reclaim your power and embrace the richness of life’s connections. 

Click below and let’s get started on that journey towards wholehearted relating today.

Wishing you depth, richness and boundless love in 2024 and beyond.

With love and empowerment,

Rikki

Shatter the Illusion: Discover the Liberating Truth About Aging as a Woman

We’ve been fed a relentless diet of fear and self-loathing around aging as women. The message is clear – the moment we hit 25, our prime is over, our beauty doomed to fade and our desirability destined to decline. But this cultural narrative of inevitable decay is nothing but a cruel deception, designed to rob us of the radiant power and confidence that should be our feminine birthright.

The truth is, the decades after 25 hold a transformative magic – a flourishing of beauty, sensuality and self-assuredness that puts our youth to shame. It’s time to shatter these toxic lies once and for all, and embrace the magnificence of our maturing beauty, our deepening pleasure and our unshakable feminine sovereignty.

This is your invitation to explore the liberating truth about what it means to age as a woman – a journey that could revolutionise everything you thought you knew.

In our youth-obsessed culture, the message that aging equals decline is all too pervasive.

We’re bombarded with the idea that as women, our “best” years are behind us once we hit 25 – that our beauty, desirability and vitality will only diminish from there. 

This toxic myth is quite possibly the greatest lie holding us back from fully inhabiting our authentic power, radiance and unstoppable feminine force.

But the truth is, everything actually gets better for us women after 25. 

Our beauty blossoms settling into itself, our confidence comes into full expression and we awaken to depths of sensual aliveness and pleasure that can only come through the journey of womanhood. 

Yet this insidious cultural conditioning cuts so many of us off from this birthright at a frighteningly young age.

According to a study published in the Journal of Women’s Health, over 60% of women in their 20s and 30s report feeling anxious or depressed about the aging process, (something I believe we learn from social media).

Another survey found that 75% of women feel pressure to maintain a youthful appearance, with many resorting to drastic measures like plastic surgery or extreme dieting to fight the signs of aging, (again a result of the unrealistic beauty standards being shoved down our throats online). 

But the truth is, our beauty is not purely physical – it’s an energetic radiance that only deepens as we mature. 

As one 45-year-old woman shared, “I feel more beautiful now than I ever did in my 20s. There’s a confidence here with me now that you just don’t comprehend when you’re young and a level of sensuality that comes from years of experiences and age. These are things that no amount of makeup, hair products or online trends can replicate.”

When it comes to desirability, research has shown that finding high-value partners is dictated far more by a woman’s energy and confidence than her looks or age. 

In fact, many women report experiencing a surge in romantic attention and fulfilment in their 30s, 40s and beyond, as they’ve had time to cultivate their feminine power, truly know what they want and understand who they are as women. 

And the pleasure potential? 

Well, that’s only just getting started. 

Contrary to the myth of the beauty ideal being separate from the maternal or crone archetype, all phases of womanhood carry exquisite sensual potency. 

Many women testify that their orgasms get exponentially better after their 30s, as they’ve had time to deeply explore and honour their sexuality and sensual expression.

I believe the older we get the better our sexual experiences can get.

When we stop buying into society’s fear-mongering and lean into our soul’s journey, the truth is that we become more ourselves, more embodied and more in alignment with our essence with every passing year. 

As 52-year-old Emily shared, “In my 20s, I was so consumed by insecurity and trying to live up to impossible beauty standards. Now, I feel more radiant, more connected sensually and more powerful than ever. My beauty isn’t something that fades – it’s an energy that just keeps growing.” 

If you’re ready to stop playing small

And step into the fullest embodiment of your divine feminine power, it’s time to reckon with the lies that have been holding you back. 

Embrace the truth that your beauty, desirability and pleasure potential are only just getting started no matter your age.

It’s a decision and choice you get to make.

This is your invitation to write a new feminine guidebook, one that celebrates the magnificence of the aging process. 

The greatest version of you is waiting to emerge – all you have to do is let her shine.

If you’re ready to reclaim sovereignty over your energy, beauty, pleasure and authentic expression, I would be honoured to guide you on this journey. 

As someone who majored in Female Sexuality and Women’s Empowerment during my coaching studies, this work is a deep passion of mine.

Not only from everything I have learnt from studying but also everything I have experienced and all the moments from my own journey of aging.

In our 1-on-1 coaching container, we’ll dive into the truth that your radiance has nothing to do with age and everything to do with acknowledging and unapologetically inhabiting who you are. 

You’ll unlock the depths of your sensual aliveness, reclaim the power of your feminine essence and step into the fullest embodiment of your divine self. 

These intimate coaching packages are purposefully kept limited, so if this invitation is speaking to you, I encourage you to apply. 

Together, we’ll shatter the lies that have held you back and unlock the unstoppable force of your most radiant womanhood.

Navigating Desire: Unveiling Brakes and Accelerators from Emily Nagoski’s book, ‘Come As You Are’

As part of my sex, love and relationship coaching certification I was invited to read Emily Nagowski’s book “Come As You Are’. 

This book is a must for all women to read; there were so many nuggets of profound wisdom shared within the pages that have changed the way I view my libido and body.

I want to share with you one concept, “Accelerators and Brakes.” 

This concept, as I’ll go on to explain today, really opened my eyes and had me feeling hopeful instead of frustrated about my low libido.

Exploring what Turns you on and Off

In the realm of human sexuality, understanding our desire and its ever-changing rhythm can often feel like deciphering a complex code. Emily, in her book, offers a unique perspective on this.

One of the central concepts she introduces is the interplay of brakes and accelerators, shedding light on the intricate dynamics that shape our sexual responses.

If you’re anything like me you’ve spent your sexual life either feeling turned on, grateful for the juicy energy, or turned off, frustrated and hating on your body for not being horny enough, (especially in a relationship where your partner wants more sex than you do).

From the time I was sexually active, I saw libido and desire as black and white. I was either horny (which was good) or I didn’t want to be touched at all (which was bad). I’m excited to share this with you now because it changed my black-and-white view of libido into a delicious rainbow of possibility and pleasure.

Brakes and Accelerators Defined

Nagoski presents the idea of brakes and accelerators as a metaphorical framework to explain the dual nature of sexual arousal. 

“Think of brakes as factors that inhibit or slow down our sexual response, while accelerators are elements that rev up our desire.” 

These metaphorical mechanisms work in tandem, influencing the ebb and flow of our sexual experiences.

Understanding Brakes

Context and Environment:

• Our surroundings play a pivotal role in determining the presence of brakes. Stressful environments, unresolved conflicts, or uncomfortable settings can act as significant inhibitors to desire. Recognising and addressing these external factors is essential for creating a conducive atmosphere for intimacy.

• For example: Having a messy bedroom, dirty clothes around and kids toys everywhere might activate your brakes. Coming home from a stressful day at work might activate your brakes. Remembering a fight you and your partner had last week that never reached an end point, might activate your brakes. Your partner not showering, being dirty, or smelling of BO, these are all things that might activate your brakes.

Body Image and Self-Esteem:

• Negative body image and low self-esteem act as powerful brakes. Society’s unrealistic beauty standards and personal insecurities can hinder the ability to fully embrace and enjoy one’s own body. Building a positive self-image is a crucial step toward releasing these brakes and unlocking one’s sexual potential.

• For example: Are you about to get your period and feeling super bloated and unsexy, did someone comment on your body today, have you lost or gained weight and are feeling self-conscious, do you not believe that your partner thinks you’re attractive, maybe you don’t like the way your body looks or feels, maybe you feel shy, want the lights off and no eye contact, all of this can be activating your brakes.

Past Trauma and Emotional Baggage:

• Unresolved traumas, whether from past relationships or personal experiences, can serve as substantial brakes. Acknowledging and addressing these emotional barriers is vital for creating a safe space for intimacy. If you feel professional support might be beneficial to navigate and heal from past wounds please reach out to me. I am available for 1:1 coaching.

• For example: Your ex forced you to do something in the past and when your current (loving) partner asks or tries something similar you don’t feel safe, you have old emotional wounds from childhood bullying that have never been addressed, how you lost your virginity was less than magical and this is being carried and lived out in your current intimate relationship (without you knowing), ALL OF THESE ARE BRAKES! 

“I want to remind you here that you are NOT broken if you resonated with any of these things. A lot of these examples are my own personal brakes that I discovered after learning about brakes from Emily.”

Understanding Accelerators

Novelty and Excitement:

• Novel experiences and a sense of excitement act as powerful accelerators. Trying new activities or introducing variety in the bedroom can stimulate desire. Open communication with a partner about desires and fantasies can contribute to creating a sense of novelty.

• For example: sexy lingerie, sex toys, exploring kinks, discovering your erotic blueprint (seriously Google this and take Jaiya’s Quiz, Game Changer!), adding sexy music and dancing, spending more time on foreplay, sexy conversations about fantasies, reading erotica etc.

Feeling Safe and Connected:

• Emotional intimacy and a strong sense of connection with a partner can serve as accelerators. Feeling safe and secure in a relationship fosters an environment where one can be vulnerable and explore their desires without fear of judgment or rejection.

• For example: Explain to your partner that when they do something (like spank you) it triggers an unsafe memory from your sexual past, and if they want to spank you they ask for your consent first. If you say no, they respect this, if you say yes they start lightly and ensure that during the act of spanking, they are also hugging and kissing you treating you with love and creating an environment of safety in your body. It’s all about communicating these needs before and during lovemaking so that you are feeling seen, safe and understood. BONUS: add some time after love-making for a debrief; chat about what was great, what was confronting, what you didn’t say that you wanted to etc.

Physical Well-Being:

• A healthy lifestyle, including regular exercise and proper nutrition, can act as an accelerator. Physical well-being contributes to increased energy levels, improved mood, and a positive body image – all of which are crucial components of a satisfying sexual experience.

• For example: We all know what it feels like in our bodies when we spend days in bed recovering from an injury or illness. We reenter the world fuzzy, dazed, confused, unmotivated etc. But when we start to move again, whether it be a walk outside, dancing, yoga, or swimming in the ocean, we start to create and release oxytocin (the love hormone) back into the body. The same can be said for eating nutritious foods. I’m not telling you to become a dietitian or anything but making sure you are fueling your body with fresh food and cutting back on fast food, processed foods and refined sugars plays a huge role in your body’s ability to access pleasure.

Emily Nagoski’s concept of brakes and accelerators offers a valuable framework for understanding the complexities of human desire. By recognising and addressing the factors that act as brakes, and actively incorporating accelerators into our lives, we can navigate the intricate landscape of sexuality with greater awareness, understanding and satisfaction. ‘Come As You Are’ serves as a guide, encouraging individuals to embrace their unique desires and fostering a more fulfilling connection with both themselves and their partners.

Real-life Strategies for Couples with Mismatched Libidos

Navigating a relationship where you have mismatched libidos presents its own set of challenges. However, the framework of brakes and accelerators offers valuable insights and practical strategies for couples looking to create a more harmonious intimate life despite their differences.

Open Communication

• One of the most crucial aspects of addressing mismatched libidos is open communication. Partners should feel comfortable discussing their desires, concerns, and boundaries without judgment. By sharing individual brakes and accelerators, couples can better understand each other’s needs and work towards creating an environment that caters to both partners.

• Real-Life Example: Sarah and Mark found success by establishing a regular “check-in” where they openly discussed their sexual desires, concerns, and fantasies. This practice not only improved communication but also created a sense of shared responsibility for their intimate life.

Exploration and Variety

• Introducing variety in the bedroom can act as an accelerator, reigniting the spark in the relationship. Experimenting with different activities, trying new things, and being open to exploring fantasies can create excitement and appeal to the accelerators for both partners. 

• Real-Life Example: Alex and Jamie, a couple with mismatched libidos, discovered that incorporating new experiences, such as weekend getaways or trying new hobbies together, helped reignite their connection and desire for each other. Also taking sex off the table for a certain amount of days or weeks and focusing on foreplay only, building sexual energy without the pressure of actually having sex. JUICY 😛

Understanding Eachothers Brakes

• Recognising and respecting each other’s brakes is crucial for creating a safe and comfortable space for intimacy. Partners should be aware of external factors that may stump each other’s desires and work together to move through these challenges.

• Real-Life Example: Lisa and Mike learned to navigate Mike’s stress-related brakes by implementing stress-reduction techniques, such as mindfulness exercises (like meditation and yoga) and regular relaxation rituals (like massage and walking in nature). This proactive approach helped create a more conducive environment for intimacy.

Embracing Emotional Intimacy

• Building emotional intimacy is a powerful accelerator. Fostering a deep connection based on trust and understanding can enhance the overall quality of a relationship and contribute to a more fulfilling intimate life. 
• Real-Life Example: Emily and Chris focused on strengthening their emotional connection by prioritising quality time together. Regular date nights, shared experiences, common goals and expressing gratitude helped them create a stronger bond that positively influenced their sexual connection.

Professional Support

Seeking professional help, either as a couple or individually (or both), can be a valuable resource for couples dealing with mismatched libidos. A trained professional can provide guidance, facilitate communication, and offer strategies tailored to the unique dynamics of the relationship. Again, reach out to me if you’d like to explore this more. 

Real-Life Example: Mark and Olivia sought the assistance of a sex coach to navigate their mismatched libidos. The coach helped them explore individual desires, improve communication, and develop practical strategies to meet each other’s needs.