Stepping into the Unknown
At the end of this month, I’m embarking on something that, for years, I told myself I could never do.
I’m flying to the Blue Mountains to attend my first Vipassana meditation retreat—ten days of complete silence, no technology, no distractions, no eye contact, and no external stimulation. Just me, my thoughts, and ten hours of meditation a day.
For those unfamiliar with Vipassana, let me share what this ancient practice is all about—and why I’ve finally decided to take the plunge.
What is vipassana?
Vipassana, meaning “insight” or “clear seeing,” is one of the most ancient meditation techniques, originally taught by Gautama Buddha over 2,500 years ago. Unlike other meditation styles that incorporate mantras, visualization, or breath control, Vipassana is about observing reality exactly as it is.
It’s a deep, disciplined practice that teaches you to witness sensations, emotions, and thoughts without reacting. The retreat is an immersive ten-day experience designed to break old mental conditioning and habitual reactivity. Here’s what that looks like in practice:
- Silence: No talking, no eye contact, no gestures—complete solitude in a shared space.
- Ten hours of meditation per day: Sitting in stillness, scanning the body, and observing sensations without attachment or aversion.
- No distractions: No phones, books, writing, or external stimulation—only the practice.
- Two vegetarian meals per day: Eating mindfully, free from the distractions of conversation or screens.
- 4:30 AM wake-ups: Days start early, with the first meditation session before dawn.
The philosophy behind Vipassana is simple yet profound: suffering arises from our resistance to reality. We cling to pleasure, avoid discomfort, and react impulsively to every sensation, emotion, and thought. Through deep meditation, we learn to sit with it all—without running, numbing, or reacting.
Why now? my Journey to saying yes
For eight years, my partner has attended a Vipassana retreat annually. He treats it as his end-of-year ritual, disappearing into silence and returning with unmistakable clarity, lightness, and a renewed sense of purpose. Every time he’s completed a retreat, he’s told me, “Rikki, you would love this. You should do one.”
And every time, I’ve responded, “Absolutely not. That sounds like my personal hell.”
It wasn’t the silence, the wake-ups, or even the lack of distractions that scared me. It was the sitting still. Ten hours a day of meditation with a back that constantly aches? It felt impossible.
So, for years, I let that stop me. I told myself, I could never do that. And honestly, I believed it.
But then something shifted.
At the end of last year, I went through a downward spiral. Old wounds resurfaced. I felt disconnected from myself, my direction, and my joy. It was uncomfortable, confronting, and humbling.
Then, after spending New Year’s Eve alone on the beach, waking up with the sunrise and just being with myself for a few days, I felt something new—a deep, undeniable knowing that it was time.
No overthinking. No fear. No excuses. Just a full-body yes.
I applied. Got accepted. And now, in just two weeks, I’ll be boarding a plane to step into this experience fully.
Leaning into discomfort & Trusting the timing
What I’ve learned over the years is that growth isn’t about forcing yourself into experiences before you’re ready—it’s about listening for when the timing is right.
I could have signed up for a Vipassana retreat years ago, but I would have been doing it from a place of should rather than readiness. And I know myself—I don’t force my evolution. I let it unfold when the signs align.
And when they do? I don’t ignore them.
That’s what this moment is for me. It’s a reminder that sometimes the very thing we resist is the thing we need the most. And when the resistance drops? When the fear no longer feels like a roadblock? That’s when we know it’s time to leap.
I share this because maybe there’s something in your life that you’ve been telling yourself you could never do. Maybe you’ve written it off as too difficult, too uncomfortable, too confronting.
(So many women say these words to me when I invite them to my Naked Awakening workshops!)
And maybe, just maybe, it’s not a no forever—it’s just a not yet.
But when the timing does feel right? Don’t ignore it.
what’s Next? the uncertainty of who i’ll be after This
I have no idea what I will walk out of this retreat feeling.
Will I come out completely changed? Will I gain clarity on my next steps? Will it be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done? Will it be the most rewarding?
I have no clue. And that’s what excites me.
I have purposefully left my schedule open after the retreat because I don’t know how this experience will shift me. Maybe everything in my life will feel the same. Maybe I’ll come out with a completely new trajectory. I don’t know. But I’m open.
And I think that’s the greatest gift we can give ourselves—to walk into the unknown with curiosity instead of fear.
An Invitation for You
I don’t share this story to convince you to sign up for a ten-day silent retreat (unless that’s your calling, in which case, DO IT!).
I share this to remind you:
- If you’ve been feeling called to something that feels uncomfortable but right—trust that pull.
- If you’ve been resisting something out of fear, ask yourself if it’s truly a no or just a not yet.
- If you’ve been stuck in the belief that you could never—know that there might come a day when your body says, actually, we’re ready now.
Discomfort isn’t always a sign to run. Sometimes, it’s a sign to lean in.
I’ll be sharing more about this experience when I return in March, but until then, I’d love to hear from you—has there ever been something you once resisted, only to later realise it was exactly what you needed? LET ME KNOW 🙂
With love, curiosity, and a whole lot of surrender,
Rikki
